Thursday, October 11, 2012

I Said I'm Waiting For Dawn...

Waiting for my emotions to change. Waiting to feel better inside. Waiting to feel safe and whole again. I heard this song tonight and it has had my head and heart running around in circles. My heart feels homeless, like it can't find anywhere to just rest. But have I even been looking for a place, or to busy trying to ignore the need for that rest and abiding? Have I been so overly active and busy in some things that I have been slothful and neglectful in others?

The last phrase of lyrics sounds a lot like me right now. Every now and then I see you dreaming, Every now and then I see you cry, Every now and then I see you reaching, Reaching for the other side. Some of my best friends have seen the mood swings, the sometimes instant change in me. I'll have a small dream here or there, but something as simple as one comment from someone will crush me. Somewhere I lost my tough skin and soft heart, instead I feel like I have a thin skin and a hard heart for others in its place, and I hate it. In my inability to handle my own emotions and abide in God's rest I have become calloused to those that my heart should be soft towards. It is hard to admit but it's true.

God says all I need to do is come, that His yoke is easy and burden is light, that He is my fortress and my stronghold, I know it all in my head, but in my heart I still struggle to simply admit that I can't do it alone. Dawn will come, but only if I open my eyes to see the light.

What are you waiting for, the day is gone?
I said I'm waiting for dawn
What are you aiming for out here alone?
I said I'm aiming for home

Holding on

Holding on

With red eyes what are you looking for?

With red eyes, red eyes

All of my days are spent within this skin

Within this cage that I'm in
Nowhere feels safe to me, nowhere feels home
Even in crowds I'm alone

Holding on

Holding on

Every now and then I see you dreaming

Every now and then I see you cry
Every now and then I see you reaching
Reaching for the other side
What are you waiting for?

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