Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Could I Make That Sacrifice?

These past few weeks God has been working on my heart and showing me how much He loves me through the lessons of what true love really looks like and what it really requires. Now I know it has been quite a while since I wrote last, so let me start somewhere towards the beginning.

Back in October I met a young man at Bible study by the name of Evan. For the next few weeks we got to know each other through church, Bible study and game nights and friends’ houses. Through a series of events around Thanksgiving time we both came to the realization that there was mutual interest and on Thanksgiving Day he asked me to be his girl. Over the past few months we have done the normal things dating couples do, gone to movies, out to dinner, hung out with friends, ya know, the normal dating stuff, but that all suddenly changed a couple of weeks ago.

On Sunday February 3rd he started to break out in a miserable rash and by Tuesday night he was running a high fever. After two days of him getting progressively worse I took him into the Emergency Room. After 3 hours in the ER we were sent home with prescriptions for antibiotics and still no answer as to what he has. For the next week almost all of my time that wasn’t spent at work was spent at his place, bringing him food he could swallow without irritating the sores that were now lining his mouth and medications to help bring down his fever and ease the discomfort. Hours were spent keeping him company where all I could do was sit across the room from him and watch tv, I desperately wanted to give him a hug, but with not knowing what he has or how contagious it is I couldn’t touch him.

Now, a week may not sound like much to some, but for me it was a lesson in sacrificial love. A lesson in giving of myself in many forms with what felt like zero in return. For many of those days I felt very alone even though he was right there, I couldn’t sit next to him and the sore were so painful in his mouth that he could hardly talk at times. At about day four I had to talk myself into going because I wanted to do something that would give me pleasure instead of spending the day sitting in the same old chair doing the same thing for another day. It was then, in that moment, that God started to really teach me what it means to really love someone.

As I sat in that blue chair that felt like it had become my permanent station He spoke to my heart and asked if I understood the love He has for me. If after just a simple week of giving my time, finances and energy if I had a better perspective on the love He has for me where He sent His son to die for me. When my loneliness almost consumed me that day He reminded me of Jesus crying out to the Father “Why have you forsaken me?” as He hung on the cross. Jesus came and gave his life and endured loneliness like I will never understand out of His love for me before I even existed! Even though I continue to sin and break his heart, even though I don’t appreciate His sacrifice as I should, He still loves me. He gave Himself for me while I was still a sinner. How minute that makes my struggle seem! Yet, through that struggle I’m learning how to love those closest to me with that same sacrificial love of giving and serving without expecting anything in return.

Is Evan still sick? Yes. It has now been 2 weeks with him allowed to do very little over the past week. But that is ok, two weeks is minute in the perspective of eternity.