I Grabbed Ahold Of All My Dreams And Off We Flew...

Dreams, aspirations, desires, not all bad, everyone has them. Tonight I had the pleasure of taking the back seat at study and let my co-leader take the reins and he opened with asking each of us what we could be if we could be anything or go anywhere and why. When it came my turn I had several to answer with so I chose two of the big ones: I want to be a dorm parent at French Camp Academy some day, and I would love to be involved with Christian Veterinary Missions in some form. But there are so many other dreams I have, the smaller ones that influence my daily interactions with people, that I need to take into account as well.

As a study group we have been going over the "7 Deadly Sins" and this week was on lust. As a group we defined lust as: "An overmastering desire that puts the object of desire above God with disregard to the consequences." We didn't discuss lust as simply sexual lust, but also lust for possessions and status. So, back to how my answers to the opening question tie into it all. I have some great aspirations, are they lusts? Those aspirations aren't overmastering, just things I would like to do someday. BUT, I do have to admit I have lusts. Right now I'm lusting for a truck, it has been overpowering for sure! Every single night I have spent hours scouring ads, 2+ nights a week I have been at dealerships talking to pushy salespeople, and so far it's been all for nothing. On one hand, a vehicle is a genuine need with the weather getting cold, on another, it has become an overpowering thing in the past few weeks. Something else a friend posed to me when I was having a rough time of it this past week was this: "Are you missing your ex, or missing having a boyfriend?". That one hit home pretty hard. I have always dreamed of being married and being special to someone and having a man to love, and I have to admit it has made itself a lustful desire in my life. The want to be wanted, and the want for the status of being someone's girl. Are either of these thoughts or dreams bad in and of themselves? No. God created us to want relationships, the desire to be with a man was put there by Him, but when it becomes a distraction to my relationship with God it has become a lustful idol.

These small dreams have pulled me away from my relationship with God. Instead of being a part of God's plan and letting them happen as He wishes, I have tried to put my hand in and focus on them so intensely that I haven't been diligent in my devotions, I have been so caught up in needing finances for a car that I haven't tithed regularly. I have allowed and even promoted these roadblocks in my relationship with God.

Am I a hopeless case? No. Thanks to God's grace I can right what I have been doing wrong. Thanks to His forgiveness I can work towards being a "living and holy sacrifice" even when I do allow things to get in the way, He will still be there when I come back, even though there are consequences.

A friend of mine wrote this song when we were apprentices together, and it has always been one of my favorites. It's about hanging onto our dreams when they pull us away from God. Through tear filled eyes I listened to this song and finally let go tonight. You can listen to the audio version here, the title is "The Balloon Song" by Rachel Mozeika

I grabbed a hold of all my dreams and off we flew,

When my feet they left the ground and I didn’t realize I was leaving you.

Farther and farther, higher and higher

These arms of mine are getting tired

Your gravity is pulling me back to You.

But I think it’s time to let go

Of everything I’ve ever known

Oh the climbs just getting harder

I know that this is gonna hurt

But it’s gonna be much worse

If I hold on much longer

It’s something that was so in vain

Something that I thought I needed

Turned out to be so small

It’s all my fault I’ve drifted so far away from You

I think it’s time to let go,

Time to let go

Of this balloon

It was my choice whether or not to grab ahold of it,

And as I look back down it's beginning to be something I regret,

 Farther and farther, higher and higher,

Your gravity keeps pulling me back to You

But I think it’s time to let go

Of everything I’ve ever known

Oh the climbs just getting harder

I know that this is gonna hurt

But it’s gonna be much worse

If I hold on much longer

It’s something that was so in vain

Something that I thought I needed

Turned out to be so small

It’s all my fault I’ve drifted so far away from You

I think it’s time to let go,

Time to let go

Of this balloon

It comes in all shapes and colors

And some people choose to hold on longer than others

But sometimes all our dreams aren’t always the best for us

And who we really need to cling to is Jesus

Oh I think it’s time to let go

Of everything I’ve ever known

Oh the climbs just getting harder

I know that this is gonna hurt

But it’s gonna be much worse

 If I hold on much longer

It’s something that was so in vain

Something that I thought I needed

Turned out to be so small

It’s all my fault I’ve drifted so far away from You

I think it’s time to let go,

I just let go,

Of this balloon