Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The story of the past few days has been one of major ups and major downs. Everything from being excited about my little sister asking me to be her maid-of-honor in December and the fun of helping plan her big day, to really missing my companions and fighting tears for two days straight. For the first time since graduation, and since saying goodbye to the people that had become my family I was finally able to really cry. Nobody here understood why, out of nowhere, I would suddenly get very emotional. Just simple things like wandering around the state fair, or hearing a song on the radio could put me over an edge. I was missing “my group” “my guys” “my team” “my gang” and feeling out of place and essentially un-needed and left out.
What God has been revealing to me while I sit here has been not only comforting my heart, but bringing tears anew to my eyes. I have watched the “punk” college kids, the business men all dressed in their suits and ties, the everyday mom and daughter, the retired elderly men, and others come in and out of here, just enjoying a good coffee, mocha, latte or something else that suits their fancy and came to realize that I’m really no different than any of them. It didn’t completely settle in until the horses across the road caught my attention. There is a gorgeous red roan 2 year old, a sorrel mare and a red roan weanling in the pasture that I can see. Each one of them are distinctly different, they look different, act different, and have different purposes and jobs as part of the herd, but they all have one master. They all interact well now, but if you took one from the herd or introduced a new horse then things would be a little rough for a while. Everyone has to learn their place, how things work, who is in charge, and the master decides who goes in what pasture and with which horses. Right now I feel like the horse that has been taken from its old herd, my dearest friends, the comfort zone of who I knew, and placed in a new pasture, with new horses. Right now I am the horse that drives every owner crazy, I pace the fence, whinny and scream, don’t pay a whole lot of attention in the arena or round pen, and works myself into a sweaty tizzy instead of settling in and learning the new herd. All the horses in the herd have the same owner, the same trainer, as do all the people in this world, it’s just whether or not they choose to listen that makes the difference.
So am I going to continue to pace the fence? No. There is a “young adults” home group through our church and my pastor said I would most likely be the youngest there, but with being done with college he figured it would be the best fit for me. Their first group meeting is next Tuesday and I am looking forward to getting to meet some Godly young adults that I can go do things with. Will new friends replace the old ones? Of course not… and with moving into our NEW HOUSE next month, there will be plenty of room for all of the old ones to come visit (hint hint).
(2 hours later) – Wow! I was sitting here writing the above paragraphs when this kid my age showed up with a coffee and a block of wood he was carving and just started chatting. Then this older gentleman joined us and I immediately felt like I was sitting at the knee of my grandfather listening to him tell stories and tell me about all of the great places I need to visit here in Utah. Talk about a crazy turn of events for an afternoon!
Anyway… God bless and I hope my ramblings made as much sense to you as they did to me!