Time Is Ticking Away...

4 years, 4 years of what you may ask, 4 years of being a resident of Utah. So far nothing outside of simply living in the same state has lasted that long. 3 houses, 3 jobs, friends have come and gone, and so far the only thing that has remained the same is that I am still here. When I stepped off the plane shortly before midnight on August 13th 2010 I had no idea what my future would hold, and as I sit here now I face the same dilemma. The only thing I know is happening 100% is my next race in September, but even now my ankle is wrapped in tape and buried under a bag of ice.

Today it has been easy for me to feel like a failure, a failure at my sport, a failure at my career, a failure as a daughter, a failure as a girlfriend, just generally feel like I am not good at anything today. After over a year of basically being unemployed, minus odd jobs and the few hours I have the support to work for FCA, I am facing the decision of applying for part time jobs at places like Applebee's or the local ranch supply store. With the dedication and hard work I have always put into my career that feels like a huge failure to me, even though it may be just for a time until a position opens up somewhere. I feel like I have failed my parents as a daughter due to some poor decisions and there are days I would rather be anywhere else other than home, and many nights I cry myself to sleep. I feel like I have been a terrible girlfriend, the stress of everything else going on has had my emotions running high without much left to give on some days, but I couldn't be more thankful for the young man I'm dating. Even on my most miserable days he has been nothing short of loving and supportive.

Sitting here, right now, it would be so easy to just tell myself I don't care anymore and do whatever felt good. There have been days I have wanted to just pack my truck and leave to get away from it all, just start somewhere new. But, I know that running away from problems doesn't fix anything.

At FCA Sports Camp back in June the week's topic was being All In and centered around Colossians 3:17 "Whatever you do in word or deed, do ALL IN the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father." During staff training one of the huddle leader coordinators shared a list of how God sees us, instead of how man sees us or how the devil wants us to see ourselves.

I Am:

Beloved: Jeremiah 31:3

Child Of God: 1 John 3:1

Delighted In: Zephaniah 3:17

Forgiven: 1 Peter 2:24

Washed Clean: Isaiah 1:18

Free: Galatians 5:1

Co-Heirs With Christ: Romans 8:17

Righteous: 2 Corinthians 5:21

New: 2 Corinthians 5:17

Set Apart: 1 Peter 2:9

Saints: 1 Corinthians 6:11

Masterpiece: Ephesians 2:10

Wonderfully Made: Psalms 139:14

Bold: 2 Corinthians 3:12

Whole: Colossians 2:10

Without these truths I couldn't ever be All In, I wouldn't be able to because it would be of my own strength and power. But, even when I feel like a rotten miserable failure, God's word is there to remind me that I am so much more than that in His eyes. I still don't know what tomorrow may bring, and I'm sure I will have plenty of days where I feel like I can't do a darn thing right, but as long as I can keep my life in His perspective it will all be ok. My time here in Utah may be limited, I don't know where I will end up next, so for the meantime I am going to do my best to be All In here, and wherever you are in life right now be all there.

The Bear Necessities, The Simple Bare Necessities...

Proverbs 30:8-9 "Keep deception and lies far from me, give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is my portion, that I may not be full and deny You and say, "Who is the Lord?" Or that I not be in want and steal, and profane the name of my God."

This verse has been on my mind a lot lately. I've been on staff with Utah Fellowship of Christian Athletes since April 1st, and it has been quite a transition to working for a non-profit organization.  

This year we are celebrating our 60th anniversary as an association. We have an active chapter in every state in the USA as well as 11 different countries. Even with how well the organization has been established we have only had a chapter in Utah for a year and a half. Utah's population is less than 4% Bible believing Christians with the predominating religion being Mormon (LDS). In the year and a half we have had 47 athletes and 2 coaches come to Christ through our huddles at the 3 major northern Utah universities and our brand new regional Highschool and Jr high huddle.
 
Through God's leading I came on staff with FCA Utah back in April. My job is a combination of Field Staff and Marketing and Communications. Right now our staff as a state consists of me and our state director. As Field Staff I am over our Northern Utah region of over 30 high schools and Jr highs. We are currently doing a regional huddle with these athletes every couple of weeks so that I can train them how to run a huddle and help them through the process of finding campus sponsors and getting started at their schools.

One of our biggest struggles as a state chapter is that there are so few Christians in this state, and that every nonprofit is trying to pull from the same group of people. FCA is a 501(c)3 so all of our funding is mission support based. As a state we are only around 77% and my personal support is only sitting around 23%. My personal support covers: my salary, my travel to and from schools, Bibles and resources for the huddles, as well as misc expenses. It's like running your own small business basically, and I can't work beyond what I have in the account.

So right now we are trying to get the word out to people about the situation here in Utah. Right now I'm facing the decision of having to get my support to 50% or better or I can't continue to stay on staff because I can't even put gas in my car. God is moving here in Utah, but without the support of other Christians the workers will remain few.

As we work through the process of trying to raise funds for the ministry of FCA and "Impacting the world for Christ through the influence of coaches and athletes." the verse above has been my prayer. Many nights have been spent in tears of frustration over finances and the desires in my heart to be financially independent and able to support myself. At the risk of sounding desperate I ask you to please pray about financially supporting the ministry of Fellowship of Christian Athletes. You can find more information on our state Donate page and more information about FCA in general at FCA.org.

Learn How To Climb...

    N.O. Limits, on first glance it looks like "NO Limits" not abbreviated "North Ogden Limits". For me this start line means a lot of things. The first time I crossed this start line was April 27th 2013, it was my first 5k, I had been running just a month. Coming into the finish line I was glad I survived, much less made the podium!
    Now it has been almost a year and this start line means many more things to me. Now I see it more as "NO Limits", because this year, on May 3rd, I am running the Half Marathon. Now, I've run a half marathon already, so the distance isn't necessarily the milestone, but what it has taken to train for this one. The route for this race is full of massive hills, over 500ft uphill climb between kilometer 2 and kilometer 7, 4.5 miles of rocky trails. When I first signed up for this race all my friends, runners and non-runners, told me I was crazy because of the route difficulty, and at the time I agreed! I simply wanted to do it as a milestone of having been racing a year. I have been working on running hills once a week every week since the beginning of February, and after 10 weeks of training I have learned not only new things about running and training, but new things about myself.
     1) Hills are HARD! The first week I stared up the "one mile hill" that is only 2.5km into the race route I thought I was gonna die. Heading up the hill, gaining about 250ft in elevation, I had to walk several times. That day was just a short 8k, so when I got to the top I turned around and ran back down it as I headed back to the car. That day almost did me in mentally, I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't realize how hard.
    2) Hills get EASIER with consistent practice. After two weeks of going to run parts of the route (adding a km in length each week) I made it up the first hill without walking! It wasn't anything fast, but I did it!
    3) Unexpected hills can be demoralizing. About 5 weeks in I switched from out and backs to loops since my distance was getting long enough to allow it. The first week I did a loop I made it up the first hill strong, headed past where I normally turn around, and was suddenly faced with a second HUGE uphill (another 250ft climb) that I wasn't ready for. It zapped me mentally, which killed my run.
    4) Knowing what's coming and being prepared for it is the best way to handle hills. After the demoralizing week I knew what was ahead and started carrying extra GU gel, water, and mentally knew what I was facing, and it has gotten way easier.
    5) Consistent work and preparation take you from not being able to go up 1 hill, to being able to handle a course with several massive hills. This route has 3, and after today I can say I am prepared for them.

Now, I've learned a lot about training and running and getting stronger on my runs, but it also has taught me a lot about handling the hard stuff in life. "Hills" in life usually are some form of trial, but can also be something as simple as allowing myself to fall into a trap of not hearing God's voice and listening to Satan's lies. Just as I have to have discipline in my running to handle hills on a route, I also have to have discipline in my personal life to handle the trials that come.

Running - - - - - Life

Eat Healthy - - - Don't listen to or watch junk

Get Coaching - - Spend time in the presence of God and Godly people

Practice - - - - - Memorize scripture

Don't Let The Bad Runs Keep You Down - - - I have bad days, days that life gets to me, but they can't keep me down. Getting back up is the important part.

Rest Well - - - Take time when I need it to get away from life and recharge spiritually and emotionally

Be Consistent - - - Little pieces of time with God on a consistent basis keep life more stable than just mega-dosing in a crisis.

So, after 10 weeks of training, only 2.5 weeks from today is race day, N.O. Limits has really come to mean "NO Limits" for me. Not only can I do things physically I never thought, but with a right relationship with God there are no limits to how He can use my life.

Hebrews 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Here Am I Lord, Send Me...

         April first, for most it is a day of practical jokes and picking fun at one another, but for myself it signifies so much more. As I was sitting on the family room floor on March 31^st, my 25^th birthday, I was doing my devotions and reflecting on the past couple of years and came to reflect on the last few birthdays. Every birthday for the last 3 years God has done something huge in my personal life. Each one leading up to this year, and it is so incredible to look back on how He has brought me to this point. For my 23^rd birthday I started a new job at an equine veterinary clinic doing what I had gone to college for and doing something I really loved. For my 24^th birthday, just a year ago, I decided to start running. To most that might not seem like much, but in July of last year I lost my job at the vet clinic, and God used running as my time alone with him away from the frustrations of dealing with being unemployed.

            Through those months of running and struggling with questioning God and asking him “why?” I learned how truly powerful it is to be able to share Christ through the avenue of sports. Last fall God taught me many things about perseverance, discipline, diligence, and dedication through my running. I would run every morning and then come home and do job applications, day in and day out. I applied for jobs all over the country, over 3 dozen applications in 15 states. As each positive response came I would pray over each job, and every time I just didn’t have a peace about taking offers that I would have otherwise jumped on. After several months of this process I came to the conclusion that God wanted me to stay here in Utah. I couldn’t explain why, I had what appeared to be no leads here, but it was the only place I had a peace.

Throughout last year I had kept up with what was going on with Utah Fellowship of Christian Athletes and when I attended the President’s Reception in November the pieces started to come together. I had the pleasure of sitting with the State Director and his wife as well as the Regional Director and after several athletes and coaches spoke and the directors gave the vision for the next year of FCA here in Utah I had a peace and excitement I could not explain. Bill Schorr, our State Director, sat back down at the end and he looked at me and all he had to say was “You ready?” and I didn’t even have to think twice, my immediate answer was “Yes”. After several months of prayer and training at the beginning of this year April first was my official start date of coming on staff with Utah FCA.

This is a huge leap of faith, we are non-profit, so all of my expenses and salary must be raised. But God is moving in so many ways. In a population of 3.9 million only 3%(ish) are Bible believing Christians. FCA launched chapters in foreign countries before coming to Utah because of how hard it is here. But, in Utah FCA’s first year (Jan 2013 – current) we have seen 46 athletes and 2 coaches accept Christ. My primary responsibility is going to be our highschool and junior high campus ministry. In the last month we have begun compiling a group of high school and junior high athletes from over a dozen schools across the area to start a Northern Utah huddle over the summer. The goal of the huddle is to lead and train these athletes to use their platforms of sport for God’s glory through FCA. Teaching them the ins and outs of FCA and Gods word, we will also prepare them to run huddles at their own schools starting this fall.  I will assist their leadership teams along the way. We also want to send 30 plus athletes to camp in Idaho this summer.

But none of this can happen without the financial support. We provide each huddle with Bible’s designed for athletes. These Bibles are full of devotions geared directly towards their needs and they use sports terms in the devotions and studies that the athletes can relate with. Not only are our supplies provided through your generous support, but so is the pay of all of our staff. If I don’t raise my support I don’t get paid and I don’t have money in the account to drive to the schools to work with the athletes. I’m asking you to pray about financially supporting the ministry of sharing Christ through sports. The harvest is ready here in Utah, but the workers are few. If you feel led to support this ministry you can by clicking this link.

If you have any questions you can contact me at 585-455-8107 or kgoers@fca.org.

Dare You To Move...

This past month God has been working in my heart on what it means to truly be who He made me to be outside of the constraints of others' judgements and expectations. As part of this heart lesson I've been reading "It's Your Call" by Gary Barkalow and I encourage you to give it a read. Through studying and praying and listening to God speak in my heart it has freed me from the pressure of doing things just because it is what culture calls "normal" or expected behavior. So many people live their lives like they are writing a resume, only doing things that will advance their career or look good on paper to fulfill today's expectations, and so many find emptiness in doing just that. I have found myself in that trap in the past, feeling very pressured to do what is expected, but at the same time I am blessed to have grown up with parents who showed me how to take a step of faith, even when it doesn't make sense to those around them. It has been in those times, in those moments, that God has worked in my heart the most.

Back in 2008 I made the decision to quit a job that was perfect for my career field and future to attend Miracle Mountain Ranch Missions School Of Discipleship (formerly titled Camp Apprentice Ministry Program). This decision made very little sense to my business minded friends and relatives. Why would I quit a good paying job that I loved to pay tuition to go work and take classes for a year or two? I couldn't explain it other than that I felt it was where God wanted me to go, I had wanted to be an apprentice since I was 14 years old. After two years in the program and all the experiences I gained and the trails I faced I graduated a very different young woman (just ask my family). I wouldn't trade those two years for all the money I could have made if I had stayed working. The character I gained, the true heart passions I came to realize, and the perspective on life I graduated with are a large part of the person I am today.

It has been almost 4 years since I came to Utah (yet another step of faith) and right now I'm facing some similar decisions. God has opened a door for me to step into a ministry position and I have been praying and searching through what it is He has for me. To most of my peers it doesn't make sense for me to step into a job where I have to raise missions support instead of make a salary. There have been questions posed like: "How will you pay the bills?", "Does that mean you'll be begging for money off your friends?", "How will you afford to have fun anymore?". All I can answer is that I have confidence that the Lord provides for those who follow His lead. Here are some of the verses He has laid on my heart over the past month.

Psalms 23:1 - "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

Proverbs 23:4-5 - "Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly takes wings and flies toward the heavens."

Proverbs 21:1-2, 5, 31 - "The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes. Every man's way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty. The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but victory belongs to the Lord."

Psalms 37:23-25 - "If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds his with his hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread."

There are many critics when any person makes a decision to do anything that doesn't seem like "the norm", but that shouldn't keep us from being who God made us to be. We wouldn't be the body of Christ if we were all the same.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and again; because there is no effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." ~ Theodore Roosevelt

So... I dare you to move

Remember When...

While doing my reading this morning I was reminded of something I wrote in a post several months back, and after looking up said post I ended up spending the next hour or so skimming back through the 3 years of this blog's existence. I first started sharing my adventures and my journey through life when I got to Utah in 2010, and a LOT has happened in those 3 years. 2 jobs, 2 boyfriends, 3 houses, 2 married siblings, 1 niece, 2 nephews, and many lessons learned along the way. As I adventured through my own past I was reminded of the story of the nation of Israel when they crossed the Jordan river in Joshua chapter four. God commanded Joshua to have a member from each tribe pick up a stone from the center of the riverbed and to set them up in a memorial on the other side. This was to be done so that when asked of their significance they could explain the story of God's faithfulness for generations to come. In some ways this blog serves as my "memorial stones" in my life. Looking back over where I started when I got here, the seasons He has brought my life through, to where I am now, tears of joy and gratefulness in God's never ending faithfulness and mercy and grace flow anew. Here are a few lessons I have been reminded of today as I walked down memory lane. If you want to see the original post I have linked each one.
Remembering to have faith like a child.
                           Learning to embrace the new instead of wasting all of my energy missing the old.
 Being willing to open my heart and my home, because whatever we do for the least of these we do for Him.
                                  That life is short and challenged about glorifying God with my time here.
Of the place of influence God has put me in as a woman.
               How who I am and how He created me has me right where He wants me, even if I'm "not normal".
Many lessons of learning what God wants me to do, and doing it.
                                     Above everything else is that God really is faithful beyond a shadow of a doubt.

All of that said I feel rejuvenated as write this, encouraged, refreshed, and so very glad God laid it on my heart those years ago to write and share my journey. Here is to the future, wherever it may lead.

I Can Be Your Friend La La La

For some reason the sermons at church the past few weeks have inspired many a Veggie Tales tune in my head, from french peas singing and throwing slushies off the wall at Jericho to Moses talking to the burning bush. So, naturally, as I was sitting here thinking this morning another tune sung by my favorite childhood vegetables came to mind.

Even in how busy I've been working with all of the singles at church and amongst other friends God has been working in my life on where my security lies. As I was sitting here this morning a conversation I overheard way back at my first year apprentice graduation came to mind. We were spreading sawdust in the barn the day before and a friend made a comment about how she doesn't fit in a box, and as the ranch director walked by he said that if she got back in the box more often she'd have more friends. What stuck in my mind is that yes, if we fit in a specific box we may have more friends who are all in the same box, but then what influence would we have for Christ if we were all in the same place? What about the misfits? Or the people in other boxes? This has been heavy on my heart the past week as I've struggled with feeling like I'm in a lot of people's back pocket for when they need something, but not a choice for social stuff and fun stuff. A lot of times it feels like if I want to be a part then it has to be my idea or my sister's idea. Even as tears flow anew this morning I know it's OK. In the words of one of my mentors, "God sets apart those He wants to use greatly." It is a blessing in disguise to not fit in a box, because it allows me to interact with a broader range of people.