It's All A Part Of Me, And That's Who I Am...

Mya's first horseback ride and she's already holding the reins!

Having a 2 year old in the house certainly keeps us on our toes around here! Whether it is Mya singing Ooey Gooey with me, or riding her rocking horse, or sitting in the rocking chair that my dad made for me and my siblings those years ago it reminds me of what has made me who I am today. Watching her learn and play and sing songs that I sang as a little person takes me back to the many home videos that are sitting in boxes upstairs. Most of them have been watched so many times over that I can tell you what is on every single tape simply by the dates on the case.

This past week I had to make some decisions about where I was headed next with my professional career, and I believe I made the right choice. I gave my notice at Marty Simper Show Horses today and will be starting full time at Aspen Grove Veterinary Clinic next week. How does this tie into being a little kid you ask? Well, by the time I was 3 years old I was asking for a horse and convinced one could live happily in either the laundry room or the basement! I was also constantly bandaging up my stuffed animals (which I had so many of that they took up more than half my bed) and told mom and dad that I wanted to be an "animal doctor" when I grew up. Instead of stifling these passions in my life my parents nurtured them, they allowed and supported me to become the woman I am today. As I worked today I kept thinking about the passage in 1 Corinthians about the body of Christ and how diverse it is.

1 Corinthians 12:14-20 "For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, 'Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body.' it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. and if the ear says. 'Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,' it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body."

 My wonderful parents recognized the talents and God given gifts and passions in each of us kids, and instead of forcing all of us to be a hand, or a foot, or fit into their mold, they nurtured us to fit where God wanted us as individuals. Over my lifetime I have been blessed with many opportunities to ride and train with horseman and women from all over the country and my skills have been developed and tuned and tweaked along the way, but I have never felt that that is where God has wanted me as a full time occupation. It has always felt more as a training ground to use for something else later. I've also had the chance to work in several different clinics as I have moved around the country and had different levels of responsibility at each one. Each clinic I have been in has been a step up from the previous clinic and has stretched my skills and my knowledge a little further.

Who I am doesn't just apply to my skills with horses, or being a vet tech, but also with my love of teaching. I remember many days of teaching others as a kid, either helping teach my siblings chemistry, or when I started teaching riding lessons at 14 years old, or doing horse bowl and hippology, I was always learning and passing along the knowledge to others, and I loved it! As I have matured that passion has been molded and shaped, and some of the rough edges have been smoothed out (still a work in progress there!) and now I am in a place of leadership with the Young Professionals group at my church as well as helping teach the youth riders at the barn.

I may not be the class clown, or the wild one of the group, but He has created me to fit a purpose, a purpose He was molding and shaping me for from a very young age. It is all a part of me, and that's who I am.

Open The Eyes Of My Heart...

Romans 11:33-36 Oh, the depth of the riches both of wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has become His counselor? Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.

Proverbs 25:2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings to search it out.

Please tell me I am not the only person out there who has been tempted to flip to the last chapter/page of a book because I want to know what happens before I have actually read the whole story. It my head it sounds like a great plan at first, but once it is done it spoils the excitement of the rest of the story because I already know the end result. In my life I find myself wanting to do the same, but at least in life I can't hop in a time machine and skip ahead!

Life in general has gone through some major changes in the past month or so, and part of me is wanting to know what effect they have on my future and part of me is seeing how my past has laid the groundwork for what is happening now, and it is quite exciting! If you have been reading my blog you know I have gone through some relationship changes recently, and I can see the good in that already. One of the more exciting changes that is just unfolding this week is an offer for a full time position with the vet clinic I have been working with! As of the week I will be starting full time it will have been 4 years since I was a full time technician, and it feels way longer than that!

Through the past year and a half of working for Marty Simper Show Horses God has been laying the groundwork and making the connections for me to be a success at the clinic, even when I didn't see or understand what was going on. There were many stressful days of financial pressure, family pressure, and hard decisions of having to miss out on things because I simply couldn't afford them, but through it all God was working behind the scenes. If I hadn't been working for Marty I would have never met our ranch manager or our farrier, who both recommended me to the clinic and even handed in my initial resume for me! Through that time God has given me the time to invest into our youth riders as well as those I work with at the barn, and for that I am extremely thankful. Through the tough financial decisions He has taught me how to keep my priorities in check and how to give and tithe even when money is tight.

I am blessed to serve a faithful God who is in control of everything and knows the desires of my heart even better than I do! Because if I had skipped to the end and things had come out how I thought I had wanted them my life would be very different than it is right now, and apparently that is not where God wants me. So all in all, this week has been a reminder to me of how much God really does know what He is doing, and how when I don't understand I just simply need to search it out and ask Him, then lay it at His feet for Him to handle... because His is God and I certainly am not! (And I'm sure all of you are glad for that!). Seek God first my friends, He will tell you where He wants you, and you will reap His reward.

Matthew 6:28-33 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow, they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothes himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not mush more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear for clothing?" for the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, for you heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

I'm Free To Be Me...

Now that it has been a week, here is a little update on how things are going around here. In all honesty God has given me a lightness of heart and a skip in my step. The only thing that makes it make sense to me is that it is a God given peace and excitement for whatever the future may hold.

I am once again free to be myself and use all of the talents that God has given me in whichever ways He directs. I have been freed to spend time with friends and invest in relationships that had been otherwise neglected. Like the song below says "perfection is my enemy", but I no longer feel pressured to be perfect, but free to be who I am and when I make mistakes I'll just learn from them and move on. On Friday while I was holding horses for the farrier we were talking about this very thing and I told him I feel like I could take on the world, and I still feel the same way :)

This song has been on my heart today as I went about my work, so I thought I'd share.

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)
 ‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

I Am Not Skilled To Understand What God Has Willed What God Has Planned...

So, instead of fielding 100 questions from all of you I am simply going to address them here.

What: Shane and I are no longer a couple

Why: Over the past month or so we were addressing some tough topics that brought up more things from way back before we even started dating. Once he thought them over more thoroughly he decided that I would be better off with someone who accepts me for who I am from the beginning, instead of trying to change me to fit his mold.

Do I want to discuss any more details: No. If I did I would contact you personally.

Is God Still In Control: Yes, but the cry of my heart right now is that I don't understand. I know I don't need to understand everything God does and how He leads, if I did then I could be god (and that would end badly!), I'm just struggling to see any good in this right now. I know right now a lot of it is just raw emotion and fighting to maintain perspective as life just seems to go on, and that will ease as time passes.

What I Ask For: Prayer and understanding. Prayer for peace and wisdom. Prayer for a calm and quiet heart. Understanding from my friends that I may be a little emotional and a little absent right now.

A dear friend shared Psalms 121 with me last night, and it encouraged my heart. I love the Psalms anyways since David is so raw with his emotions, it lets me know that it is really ok to just be honest with God with how I feel. Annyways, I'm gonna share the chapter with you.

Psalms 121 - "I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever."

Running Just To Catch Myself...

"Wow, it is already almost August! Where has the summer gone?!?!" were the thoughts that ran through my head this morning as I drove to work. In some ways this summer has frustrated me, and yet there certainly is a bright side and I have been very blessed.

In many ways this summer has been a little frustrating. It has been hard to watch all my friends post their vacation pictures and hear about their fun trips, when the majority of my summer has been spent working. Even just small things like going on a hike on a Saturday morning or to the drive-in or a cookout that is farther than just around the corner has been impossible for me this year, and it feels like life is just passing me by.

But, there is a positive side to this story. Back in March I was incredibly blessed to start a second job. It was really a birthday present from God since I started my first day the day before my birthday. I am finally back to being a veterinary technician at Aspen Grove Veterinary Care here in Utah. It is an all equine clinic and I absolutely LOVE working there. The staff consists of just 1 DVM, the 2 front desk ladies, one other tech who works 2 mornings a week, and myself. In the past few months I have not only used the skills I already had, but I've also learned a lot on new equipment and new technologies that I didn't have access to previously, and everyone I work with is incredible. I started out just working 2 afternoons a week, and very shortly after that I moved into 4 afternoons (12:15-whenever the day is done... which is usually between 5:30-6) and Saturdays (8-1ish usually). The number of hours I've been working at the clinic paired with my training job has allowed me to save up enough to buy my own car in a much shorter amount of time than working at the barn alone. God has truly blessed me by putting me back into a job I love, with one of the best vets in the area, and with a pay rate that I can actually afford to be more financially independent from my parents.

In other summertime news, my niece Mya turns 2 in less than a week! (ahhhh!) My brother and sister-in-law are expecting a baby boy in November! (Yay!) My dad got a new job on base that is a significant promotion! (woohoo!) And we might have just bought a house!!!!! :-D So, it has been a busy summer for the Goers family, but what's new, we are the GOers family after all :)

I'm Goin' Home, To The Place That I Belong...

    To all of us the word "home" means a variety of things. Home could be the town you grew up in, or where mom and dad live. Home could be a physical place, or a feeling of being "at home" when you are with certain people. For the past week or so the idea of what "home" is has been on my mind a lot, because this week I will be going back to where I grew up in NY for the first time in about 4 years and wondering if it will still feel like "home" or not. Over the years there have been many places that I have called home. Miracle Mountain Ranch feels like a second home, French Camp Academy feels like home, many of my friends' homes, as well as my current place of residence here in Utah is my home. I guess the phrase that "Home is where the heart is" is very true to me. Where my heart longs to be will always feel like home when I am there, and like something is missing when I am not. Which brings me to what God has been showing me this week. Shane and I both have new jobs, in separate states, and the jobs are blessings to both of us, yet it has caused frustration because we both have had open doors that have kept us apart instead of bringing us together like we had hoped. Through all of this God has been opening my eyes to what it means to let Him, lay the foundation for our future "home" as a couple and helped me find some peace.

In Matthew 6 Jesus is talking about not building up earthy treasure, but Heavenly treasure and in Matt 6:21 He says "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.". That one simple phrase got me thinking and asking questions of myself like: "where do I put my treasure?" and "what do I consider treasure?" and it led me to the source of my discontentment. I was placing my treasure in things that are not mine to have right now, like a "normal" dating relationship with Shane. A friend and mentor put it this way: "Lust is a discontentment with the state you are in, having a strong passion for what you would like to have. You won't lust for something if you are content in the state of which you are in. Paul said in scriptures that he has learned to be content in whatever state he was in whether having much or having little, Philippians 4:11,12. Contentment is a great gain, 1 Tim. 6:6" My heart was so lost in what I could not have that I had lost sight of what my Heavenly Father has been giving me (and us) along the way.

The next piece of the puzzle came actually from Shane :) He was sharing his devotions with me one day and they fit perfectly into this life lesson I am watching unfold before me. "I was crushed...so much so that I despaired even of life, but that was to make me rely not on myself, but on the God who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8, 9"

"Pressed out of measure and pressed to all length;
Pressed so intensely it seems, beyond strength;
Pressed in the body and pressed in the soul,
Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure by foes, and a pressure from friends.
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

"Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving the staff and the rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living a life in the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured."

The final thought in this process was actually a verse that brings back a lot of memories with it. When we built our house in NY back in 1994 we had a sign out by the road where we would post the various building permits, and on the sign in big letters was Psalms 127:1a "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.". I was 5 when we built our house, and I remember dad being there for long hours every day and going over with mom and helping sort 2x4s just so I could be there. In the deepest part of my heart I know God built that house, because He sent the help when we needed it the most, He protected my dad on the late nights he was there wiring with the electric hot so he could have a light to see, He blessed our home and allowed us the ability to host and bless the many that came through our doors for the next 13 years and many other ways that He showed He was faithful to us and it was His doing. Shane and I aren't exactly building a "house" right now, but we are building a relationship, and if we fight and struggle for things to go how we think it should be going, our struggles will be in vain because it isn't the right time. The Lord is the master carpenter building our "house", and right now He is hardening the foundation of our faith in Him before He starts building the walls so that some day we will be able to say "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord."

You Lie Like A Penny In The Parking Lot...

    You lie like a priceless Persian rug on a rich man's floor
Well, You lie like a coon dog basking in the sunshine on my porch
Well, You lie like a penny in the parking lot at the grocery store
It just comes way too natural to you
The way you lie

"You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

"Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." Genesis 3:13

From the beginning of the earth Satan has been deceiving mankind. In today's world we probably don't get lied to by talking snakes, yet, we continue to doubt God's promises. When the lies sink into my heart they create doubt, the doubt creates anger, and the anger turns into depression. For the past couple of weeks I have been fighting this cycle.

Lie - God isn't going to provide

Truth - "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:11-13,19

Lie - God doesn't care

Truth - "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Lie - There is no light at the end of the tunnel

Truth - "For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25

Lie - If things don't happen when I want they won't happen at all

Truth - "We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Hebrews 6:8, Isaiah 40:31

These are just the few lies that came to the top of my head as I was sitting here today, I know there are more down in there right now that just keep resurfacing. I say all of this to emphasize a core lesson I have been learning about joy recently, joy starts in my mind, joy starts with where I let my mind dwell. The decision is mine, and I going to believe the lies and be miserable, or believe the truths and have joy?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things... and the God of peace will be with you" Philippians 4:6-9