It's A Great Day To Be Alive, I Know The Sun's Still Shining When I Close My Eyes

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

     This was definitely the tune running through my head almost 2 weeks ago. A lot of pent up anger from dealing with a particularly difficult horse at work to handling some touchy relationships had me completely on the edge of blowing my top or falling apart in tears.It felt like the people close to me had pushed me away, and I was all alone to just "buck up" and deal with things. Just stuff my emotions like I am such a professional at, tell the world to go to hell and do my own thing, like I tend to when I get depressed and angry. I didn't want to talk to anybody about it anymore, was afraid to make myself vulnerable to anyone, and was letting my fear, and therefore not my faith, rule my actions. If you ask anyone that spends any amount of time with me I was not the most pleasant person to be around. Nights were spent crying myself to sleep, days were spent in a "throw myself into work to bury the hurt" haze. The scary part was that, at first, I didn't care. I was sick of the crap, sick of my emotions being played on, sick of feeling manipulated, sick of feeling like any of my efforts were hopeless. I couldn't do anything to fix the relationship, I felt like I was just going in reverse with the horse I was working... just utterly useless.
    That Wednesday night I went to Bible study and we did a review of the entire book of James, which started to get me thinking, but thinking isn't always good for me. I get home, go to my room, want to scream but can't, and end up crying myself to sleep.
    Thursday, my boss and the crew leave for a show in southern Utah. I just want the day to end, to go home and hide from the world, but I stick to my task. Friday doesn't vary much from Thursday until Friday night. Friday night was special because we were having a worship night at our church. The one hour service started with a couple of more upbeat style worship songs, but in the middle it slowed to some very sincere hymns and songs that began to crack, and finally crush my self-focused strong will. As I cried and sang with the joined voices of over 600 people it brought back memories of being an apprentice, being surrounded by friends and family that loved me, and worshiping together. My heart changed from focusing on me, to focusing on the One who is all powerful, the One who loves me no matter what, and the One who was simply waiting for me to say "ok, I can't do this, I need your help."
   As this week progressed the first 8 verses of James chapter 1 were floating through my head... and in New King James version from memorizing it as an apprentice. James 1:1-8 - James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting. My bretheren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye make be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive anything from the Lord.
   So, the trying of my faith worketh patience... I am not good at being patient, which is what a lot of the trials the week before had to deal with. Then patience can have her perfect work so that I can be complete... ok, taking a step back and not getting frustrated with that mare proved productive as she rode much better this past week, learning to be patient in this relationship is going to be a much longer process. Anyway, beyond that, the asking for wisdom was what I was needing to do the most, but my pride had been getting in the way. Once my pride got put in its place my journal pages and my heart started to fill with wisdom that only my Heavenly Father could provide from the pages of my Bible and the words of others. Here are some of them:

Proverbs 4:11-12 - I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths. When you walk, your steps will not be impeded; if you run you will not stumble.

I cross referenced this to Isaiah 40:31 - Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings as eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

Proverbs 4:25-27 - Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil.

So, to put it all together I'm going to sum up what I've been challenged with in the past 2 weeks in one simple phrase that my first year adviser told me "Don't fear. Don't control.". As long as I keep that wisdom at the forefront of my mind then it is a "great day to be alive".

And it's a great day to be alive,

I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes,

There's some hard times in the neighborhood,

But why can't every day be just this good?

If I'm Not The Arrow To The Heart Of You... Consider Me Gone...

Every time I turn the conversation

To something deeper, than the weather

I can feel you, all but shuttin down

And when I need an explanation for the silence

You just tell me you don't wanna talk about it now

What you're not saying

Is coming in loud and clear

We're at a crossroads here

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose

If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you

If you don't get drunk on my kiss

If you think you can do better than this

Then I guess we're done

Let's not drag this on

Consider me gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw_L8HdoYgo&feature=player_embedded

 Baby, what are we becoming

It feels like we're always running

Rolling through the motions every day

I can lean in to hold you, or act like I don't even know you

Seems like you could care less either way

What happened to that guy I used to know

I just want us back to the way we were before

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5GVa1yWYZM

 

 I had some profound insight for where I was going with this... but at the moment it escapes me.

I Want To Leave A Legacy, How Will They Remember Me?

I pledge my head to clearer thinking,

My heart to greater knowledge,

My hands to larger service,

And my health to better living,

For my club,

My community,

My country,

And my world.

The 4-H pledge. A pledge that anyone who has been to any 4-H event has recited along with thousands of other people across this country. But what does it really stand for? How many of us that were active participants in 4-H actually did something with it to affect others?

These have been some questions at the back of my mind these past 2 days. I've been at home fighting off a cold and working on putting together a presentation that I am giving for a local 4-H group next week. What does it really mean to dedicate yourself to clearer thinking, greater knowledge, larger service and better living for the betterment of your club, community, country and world? Does it mean you spend your whole life working for charity? Start your own non-profit organization? Dedicate your future to overseas missions? Enlist in the armed forces? Or can you go to college, get a nice high paying job, and live the stereotypical "American dream"? I believe all of the above and more qualify as good answers, if done for the correct reasons.

No matter where you are called, or what you decide to do with your life, the "4 Hs" still apply to yourself, and those you interact with, even though it isn't your fellow club members anymore.

I pledge my head to clearer thinking: Ephesians 4:22-24 - You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

My heart to greater knowledge: Proverbs 2:1-6 - My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom, and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

My hands to larger service: Matthew 25:37-40 - Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go visit you?" The King will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

My health to better living: Matthew 6:23 - The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness.

No matter where you are, what your job is, or who you interact with these still apply. They make you who you are, how people know you, and how you will be remembered. What are you going to do about it?

Somewhere Over The Rainbow... Dreams Come True

    There's a storm raging on one side, yet somewhere the sun is out and happens to be in just the right spot for the rays that are shining through the storm to create a rainbow. A beautiful arc of every color in the spectrum appears in the sky, in the midst of what appears to just be another rain storm. People everywhere stop what they are doing to look at it, cameras appear, but no camera can capture a rainbow in it's true vibrancy, you have to really see it to appreciate it.
    The same thing happens in our own lives. The storms of trials and plans not going as we wish tend to "rain on our parades" as we like to put it. But behind those clouds the sun is shining and when it pokes through, you see only the blessings that the 2 put together can bring.
    As a lot of you know the past 6 months have been a storm for me. I don't see the need to repeat things in the entry, but feel free to browse the older posts. Through this storm I have always known that the Son of God has been on the other side of the clouds, and when I have taken the time to stop looking at the rain and thunder I have seen the rays poke through here and there. Over the past two days the rainbow has appeared. A big bright rainbow full of hope.
    On Wednesday I had the pleasure of going over to Heritage Ranch and Stallion Station to spend a couple hours riding with Marty Simper of Marty Simper Show Horses. After 3 and a half years of re-schooling lesson horses it felt so good to be on a horse that I could "just let jog" around the arena. The people at the farm were all very pleasant and I really enjoyed my time there. Before I left Marty asked me about the possibility of working for him riding horses and doing showmanship training. He asked me "What do you want to be when you grow up?" as we were un-tacking our last horses and I wasn't sure if it was a trick question. I told him about my wanting to merge training and vet tech work, I'm just not sure how.
    Yesterday I had an all day working interview at Mountain Horse Medical Center. The majority of the day was spent with their head technician learning my way around, how things are done, where things are, who everybody is, and treating a surgical colic patient. All of the veterinarians were great to work with, and I enjoyed my time there, but I'm not yet sure if it is where I am supposed to be.
    Put it all together and there is a lot on my mind today. I am going back to the clinic on Monday to be present for a surgical procedure and to spend more time with the veterinarians, Marty is waiting to hear back from me about scheduling, and I have to make some serious decisions.
    Most people just ask me "who pays more?" and thinks it is the answer to everything. If it was that simple I would have gone back to Mississippi to work for Tom McBeath a long time ago.
    My dream has always been to be able to ride and show, but also tech. So over the rainbow dreams do come true.
 
Proverbs 12:25 - Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad.

Philippians 4:4-7 - Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I Am A Dreamer, Take Me Higher, Open The Sky Up, Start A Fire...

   We're supposed to dream big right? It isn't just something we tell little kids so that they think beyond being the cart guy at Wal-Mart for "what I wanna be when I grow up", right? What happens when you dream big and reach those dreams? Where do you go from there? It's like an Olympian aiming for gold, or someone who wins the lottery, once you have it all, then what do you do?
    Those are all questions I have been pondering as of late. For years my dreams were to be a vet tech, to compete at the world show, to be an apprentice and Lew Sterrett's stallion handler.With the passing of those goals the past 6 months have been ones of feeling like I'm just shooting in the dark. For my whole life I always knew what I wanted to do next and even had a general timeline I wanted to accomplish those things in.
    For several months now it has seemed that every time I set out to try and accomplish any form of new goal that it was continually blocked, but as always, God is faithful. A week and a half ago was the Utah Horse Trainer's Challenge Kickoff at the Golden Spike Arena here in Ogden Utah. The way the challenge works is that multiple trainers from around the state compete in horsemanship, reining, and freestyle classes. At the end of the preliminary competition 4 finalists are chosen and draw for an unbroke 2 year old that they have to catch out of the pen (which is very amusing to watch). Each finalist takes their 2 year old home and has 2 months to train them before returning to the Utah Horse Expo and compete again for the title. I would like to compete in the challenge next year or the year after so I figured attending would give me a good idea of what the expectations are. What I didn't know was that the champion from the past 2 years, Marty Simper, was judging the kickoff event. Not only was Marty judging, but to my pleasant surprise so was Dr. Sam Hendrix from Mountain Horse Medical Center in Park City Utah.
    At the end of the event, and after building up enough guts, I approached Marty about riding with him and Dr. Hendrix about a job. After speaking with both of them I was told to call back in a week or so. Well, it has been over a week, so my biggest task this morning was working up the courage to call. I'm very glad that I did :)
    The upcoming week is going to be very busy! I'm riding with Marty on Wednesday morning. Thursday and Friday I have working interviews at Dr. Hendrix's clinic. Being able to ride with one of the best all around trainers in the state and work with the only board certified equine surgeon (well, he's taking his boards next week) in the state of Utah are opportunities that only God could orchestrate.
    I am a dreamer, and I always have been. The dreams I see ahead of me now is competing in the trainer's challenge next year, and beginning my own string of show horses. Neither of these are going to happen instantly, but now there is opportunity. Also, working in the clinic here in Park City would provide everything necessary to obtain my vet tech specialty in equine. All of that said, next week will determine a lot of what my future here in Utah looks like.
    I'm nervous about my interviews at the clinic because of my lack of experience in equine surgery beyond the simple things that any farm animal vet can accomplish. I ask for prayer for next week. Prayer for peace, prayer for calm of spirit, prayer for clear thinking when working with the veterinarians, and prayer for provision of transportation should I get the job.
    Anywho, hopefully that made some sort of sense. Right now I'm so excited and there is so much running through my mind that I don't know if it even makes sense to me! Praising God's never ending faithfulness - Kate :)

Beside My Brothers and My Sisters I Will Proudly Take A Stand...

           Whom shall I fear? There is no one who can affect me outside of my Father’s will. Whom shall I dread? There is no one who can hurt me without my Father’s permission.

My enemies stumble and fall, a thousand fall at my side and ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not approach me. I shall be confident in the goodness of God and wait for His leading. Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint. This means I must be moving forward and doing the work in my Father’s battlefields or else I wouldn’t be losing strength in the first place. By the power of God I can run upon a troop and leap over a wall. He makes my feet like hinds feet and sets me upon the high places.

I am not in this battle alone, but am surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. I have responsibilities to the others I interact with. I cannot cause one to stumble and fall because of my own selfishness or carelessness. These fellow warriors are there to not only keep us accountable in our relationships with others, but also our relationship with Christ. I am called to carry other’s burdens when one is fallen or injured, but they are also there for me if I will humble myself and accept it. As a servant of God I am to do nothing out of selfish ambition, but to have the same mindset of Christ in serving others. I no longer need to act as a selfish child because I have the capacity to love and give as Christ did, even if it means being injured myself.

  Unless even a corn of wheat falls into the ground and dies it is fruitless, but when I die to myself and give up my life for Christ I will bear much fruit. I will suffer at my post for a little while, but my God, who called me to Himself, will confirm, strengthen, and establish me. He will mend that which was broken. This doesn’t mean I will get a break, but that He will replenish my strength as I go and as necessary. Just as He renewed the oil in the widow’s pots, He will pour out of me even when I feel completely empty as long as I am willing to rest in His power and NOT my own.

Psalms 27:1-3, 13, 14                   

 Psalms 18                            

1 Peter 5:10                       

 


John 12:24   

Psalms 91                           

Philippians 1:27-30                       

 Hebrews 1:12                                 

Galatians 6:2

Isaiah 40:29-31            

1 Corinthians 8:12-13                                 

1 Peter 5:10                      

2 Corinthians 10:4

It's Five O'Clock Somewhere...

    I know this may seem like an odd set of lyrics for a "Christian Girl" to title a blog post with, but it's where I am at right now. As I write this I am surrounded by my brother and his fiance, watching "Say Yes To The Dress" re-runs, gearing up for a bridal show tomorrow, enjoying a Smirnoff Ice and trying not to fall apart.
     The last few days have been a challenge with several things. I called into the air force base veterinary clinic to be told that the position I was really hoping and praying for has been filled already... and I didn't even get an interview. The stress from not being able to pay bills, or simply be able to go out for coffee was something I was greatly looking forward to being free from. At this point I am back to considering the possibility of heading back out of state, even if it is just temporary, to find something that will provide some form of stability.
    The lack of an occupation hasn't been the only thing weighing heavy on my mind as of late. As many of you have been inquiring I do not feel that it is inappropriate to include this in my blog. For the past several months I have been corresponding with a young man that I met through working with Sermon On The Mount. He is currently a first year apprentice with Miracle Mountain Ranch and came out to visit and meet the family for a day or two last week. Just a few days ago we decided it would be best to put the proverbial brakes on in our relationship until he is further along in the program and we've gotten to know each other more as friends.
    The dilemma in both situations is what my flesh wants verses what God wants and what my heart knows it right.
    Philippians 2:3-8 - Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.